Gift Meaning, Give Meaning Special

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This is Part II of the original post “Gift Meaning, Give Meaning.”

For those of you who had read the original post, I want to say that this post is related to that post. Except, this is not a Sequel. This story is more similar to a Prelude.

“Gift Meaning, Give Meaning” told a story of a boy who tried to confess to his friend. But it focused on how the girl (the friend) did not notice her friend’s feelings. Whenever this boy would go on vacation, he would tell the girl. The girl would always ask him to bring back souvenirs from his trip.

  • Bringing back souvenirs for the girl has become a habit for the boy. And the girl has never saw anymore meaning in the souvenirs other than a souvenir from a place she has not visited yet.
  • Bringing back souvenirs had become meaningful to the boy. Each gift he brought back for her was special. He would specifically pick out something nice for her.

Little did the girl know that the boy bringing her back souvenirs was a sign that he liked her. But he never directly told the girl that he liked her. He thought that she would get the hint from his souvenirs. A part of him might have been waiting for the girl to confess to him. And a part of the girl may have been waiting for the boy to confess to her.

  • Throughout their time in High School, the boy ends up confessing to numerous girls. Every girl but her.
  • Throughout their time in High School, the girl held onto her feelings for her first love (who was not this boy).
  • These two people were both struggling to find love when this love was always there. Sometimes, if we just step back and look around ourselves, we will notice something. “We will notice that who we have besides us may not be as intriguing as who we cannot have, but who we have was always there.” He(she) may be like an open book to you. But he(she) is only open to you. No one else.

There were many signs. Friends of the two would always ask why didn’t the two of them start dating. But there was something that was more important than love relationships. To this girl, their friendship was more important than having a love relationship. She straight-forwardly told the boy that “she would not date her friends.” 

  • Little did the girl know that her words would have such a big effect on this friendship. She wanted to retain this friendship so she did not want a relationship. But by not wanting a relationship, she strained this friendship.
    • The boy was hurt. He lost confidence and never confessed to her. He built confidence and took his plan step by step. But she shattered it all when she told him “I don’t date friends.”

Even though those were the words that the girl stood by. Subconsciously, this girl did see this boy as a potential partner. Some of the things he did for her, at the time were taken for-granted. But as she got older and looked back on their friendship, she realized. She realized that he was there for her, all the time.

  • After school, they would wait for each other to take the train home.
    • If they did not end at the same period, the girl would wait for the boy for an extra period. She would wait until his class was over to walk with him to the train station and take the train home.
    • Sometimes they would go somewhere after-school together. They would go play handball or travel somewhere for food.
    • When the girl had to go to her place of volunteer, he would accompany her on the train and drop her off at her volunteer place. (Then he would take the train home by himself.)
  • In the morning, the boy would make an effort to wait for the girl at the train station to walk with her to school.
    • The girl would sometimes be late. But he would wait for her until the last minute.
    • On some days when he did not have first period, he would still show up at the train station waiting for her.

One day, back in High School, this girl had a dream. Her dream felt so real. She woke up with an aching heart. In this dream, she saw her boyfriend. But she never saw his face. His face was always blurry every time she tried to look at him, in her dream.

“Many years ago, I had a vivid dream. In this dream there was a guy holding my hand and taking me everywhere with him. Specifically in this dream, he would lead. I was always following behind him, but he held on tightly to my hand. He stood in front of me, as if he was guarding me from all the dangers of the world. I stood behind him, as if he was my shield and guide to bring me to a whole new world. However, whenever we sat down, we would sit together. We would only sit in seats that allowed us to be sitting side by side, next to each other. We never sat in seats that allowed us to face each other. This dream mainly focused on the two of us taking the train together. We were students wearing our backpacks. I still remember that he wore a hoodie. His hair was short, but not too short. He was taller than me, but not too tall.” -Winksfariy12

This dream has a very important meaning. At the time, when she analyzed this dream, the girl thought she was finally going to have a boyfriend. She did not know who he was or where he is. But she felt that having this dream reassured her that one day this guy will show up in her life, to be with her.

But today, as we analyze this dream, we realized that this dream was trying to tell this girl that her potential boyfriend is someone that is besides her. In the dream, they took the train together. In the dream, the boy guided the girl and took her on adventures. In the dream, the girl and the guy never faced each other when they sat down, but they were always sitting together.

  • The boy taking the girl’s hand and guiding her on adventures they took together.
    • The girl in this story would follow the boy to places that he wanted to visit for food. After-school, he would take her with him to food eateries.
    • The boy always took the lead because the girl (of this story) was very shy. She was often scared of crowds, but the boy would still drag her with him. He encouraged her not to be scared because there was nothing to be afraid of.
  • This dream mainly focused on the two of us taking the train together.”
    • These two people’s relationship mainly related to taking the train together after-school. The train was their method of transport to all the places they needed to go: to play handball, to the volunteer location, to the food eateries.
  • We were students wearing our backpacks.”
    • This boyfriend from the dream is most likely someone from school.
  • We would only sit in seats that allowed us to be sitting side by side, next to each other. We never sat in seats that allowed us to face each other.”
    • I think this scene in the dream is the main focus of the dream. This scene tells the dreamer that the boyfriend is someone that is by her side but she does not see him. The boyfriend is right next to her, but she does not know it!
      • Clearly, this dream was telling the girl (of the story) that her friend (the boy with the souvenirs) is the boyfriend! He is someone that is by her side, but she did not see him as a boyfriend even though there were many signs of them acting and being like a couple.

All along, this girl’s conscious was telling her that the boyfriend has already appeared. He was someone that may not have intrigued her interest, but he was someone that was always by her side. Most of the time, what we want is not what we need. Our ideal guy(girl) can be the most perfect person in the world. But at the end of the day, this ideal guy(girl) is not someone that can be with us, support us, and most importantly, accept us for who we are. “Sometimes, the most perfect person for us was someone that we never thought would be our ideal.”-Winksfairy12

For those readers that had read the original post of “Gift Meaning, Give Meaning,” you already know the ending of this story. But what is the moral of this story? I want readers to take a step back from themselves and look at their own lives from a third person perspective. Especially those who are waiting and still searching for love.

  • Is there something missing in your life? (Love)
  • Is this love really missing? (Who do you have with you?)
  • What does love mean to you? (Are you chasing after an ideal?)

Everyone perceives love differently.

  • Some people see love as simple as the fallen seeds of a tree. These seeds have potential to be planted and grow into a tree. Yet, these seeds can also be seeds that never get planted and be recycled back into the environment.
  • Some people see love as strong as the roots of a thousand year old tree. The roots are deeply planted and help hold the structure of the tree. It is not that easy to remove a tree stump once a tree has been cut down.
  • Some people see love as complicated as the branches of two trees growing side by side. The branches grow in whatever direction they please. But sometimes the branches can get in the way and its leaves will fall however they please.

Love cannot be taken for-granted. Most of the time, your ideals are not your perfect match. It is often the underdog, someone who you least expected, that shows up and wins your heart. He(she) wins your heart with his sincerity, not with your standards.

Thank you for reading! 🙂

Daydreams allow us to revisit past memories of ourselves. We will sometimes realize how difficult we were, but that’s okay. Because this is all part of growing up and learning about how we want to go on with our lives. ❤

 

If I had a Boyfriend…We get into a Fight

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Hello Fellow Readers 🙂

It seems like it has been a long time since the last “If I had a Boyfriend” moment. But don’t forget that “If I had a Boyfriend Series” is still running!

“So, if I had a boyfriend, how would I react when we have a fight? Will I cry? Will I be more sad or more angry? What can he say to calm my heart and get this fight pass us?”

To be honest, no relationship is perfect. Fights are part of a “normal” relationship because a smooth relationship is just too boring. Without fights and disagreements, how can we know what we are truly thinking about each other?

  • There are many types of fights ranging from play-fighting fights to serious on the verge of break-up fights.
    • Play-fighting fights are quite cute because the two people are basically teasing each other. Personally, I feel that it is similar to flirting.
    • Serious on the verge of Break-Up fights are critical. This one particular argument may be the one that officially separates two people, but it was a series of arguments that caused these two people to separate.
      • Normally, people would remember the last argument the most. And the reason why is because they would remember it as what made the break-up official.
      • Many people would dwell on this last fight thinking about what they could have done differently to stop the actual break-up from happening. But to be honest, no matter how much a person thinks about “what could have,” it has already happened.
    • Regular fights would be what happens in between the most serious and the least serious fights. These fights would be about things that can be easily forgiven or forgotten.
      • For example, two people can fight about whether or not the toilet seat should be up or down. This argument can become heated and cause dismay when the toilet seat is not put in a way that is pleasant to either party. Yet, at the end of the day a couple can overlook this problem, even if it does not get solved.
  • Personally, I may enjoy reading about and seeing couples who are forever in their Honey Moon Period. But on average, how long is the Honey Moon period? 3-months? 6-months? 1-year? 2-years?
    • There will always be an end to a period.
    • Can the Honey Moon period never end?
      • Can two people really go on and be together without any type of argument or fight? How can there be zero disagreement?
        • Even if you choose someone who is like your twin, you may still run into each other. One reason is because “sometimes, it is okay when you do things a certain way. But when that someone is not you, it is not okay.”
    • However, without conflict in perfect relationships, the story does not seem as interesting. The conflicts make the relationship stronger because the two people struggle together to overcome the obstacles.
      • “When you are looking for a relationship, of course you did not hope for problems. But problems will arise. So what are you going to do about it?”

So the story I would like to tell today is about two friends that recently got into a big fight. This fight was a very serious one because it damaged their friendship.

Now before we come to conclusions, this series is called “If I had a Boyfriend.” However, this story is about two friends because “the final stage of a relationship is friendship.” These two friends may not be in an official relationship but don’t we all have that one friend that is close enough for us to be in an ideal relationship with; yet, there is no relationship.

How should I begin telling this story? How about with the main characters: Childhood friends, Rene and Dashiel (Dash).

(Back Story) Dash and Rene have known each other since a very young age. But it was not until High School did Dash and Rene got to know each other. Although they went to school together, they were not always in the same classes. In high school Dash had began taking care of Rene because he got to know her more as they had more classes together. To Dash, Rene is someone who was shy and did not have the courage to express herself fully. He attempts to help her project her voice. Dash saw Rene as someone he wanted to protect.

Rene has a form of social anxiety. When she is in public alone, she gets nervous. Her eyes wander and she would sweat bullets. She cannot stay still because she tends to fidget from the anxiety. She needs someone to calm her down. The presence of a friend will put her mind and heart at peace. And this friend is Dash.

In high school, Dash and Rene were not always able to go home together because of their different schedules. Some days they would wait for each other, but some days they still would not have been able to meet even if they waited. So Dash would tell Rene to text him. He said, “text me whenever you are nervous on the way home.”

During Rene’s ride home, she would text Dash. When she is on the train, and then when she is on the bus. Dash did not always respond immediately. Rene understood that Dash would not be able to respond to her every text. But nevertheless she would aimlessly text him.

At first, Dash thought Rene was trying to hold a serious conversation through her “nervous” texting. Dash would try to keep up the conversation with her. But after a period of time, he realized that he could not hold a stable conversation through her nervous texting. Her mind wanders too quickly. He has grown use to her just mindlessly messaging him. At the same time every school day, he expected her nervous texts. Sometimes they were fun to read. He saw a different side of Rene through her texts.

However, one day he didn’t get the usual text from her. And since that day she missed her usual nervous texting, her texting became less consistent. On the days that she didn’t text him, he would worry a bit. He was curious about what happened. He would then proceed to message her to see if everything is okay. Dash cared about Rene and really wanted to take care of her.

He was reassured on the days she would respond immediately. On these days he felt great because he felt he came to her rescue. She may have been in a situation that did not allow her to take out her phone, but his text was the reason she had to pull out her phone. But on days when she did not respond as quickly or did not respond at all, he would get nervous. He would send her consecutive texts trying to hold a conversation. At those times, Dash could not help but worry about Rene’s well-being.

At some point all the nervous texting stopped. Dash would wonder why, but he never asked her. (I’m not sure why he never asked her.) The reason Rene stopped her nervous texting was because she thought she was burdening Dash. She felt bad for bombarding him with all these useless texts. Yet, she never thought about what her texts meant to Dash. Her texts were now a part of Dash. Her well-being had became a part of Dash.

Rene’s careless though changed something. It changed their relationship. He would go on to liking someone else, and she would begin to like him. But she has already stopped nervous texting him. The texting that held their relationship together is not gone. Right now, they are staying at the status of friends.

Rene stopped nervous texting to Dash because she wanted to change herself. She wanted to improve herself to match with Dash. Dash who is outgoing and very sociable. She tried to be more social, she tried to express herself more. She tried to be more like him. But he didn’t notice, and she had let him go…

Although Dash and Rene were never in a real relationship, their friendship had reached a point where they were in a relationship. There is this foundation they have with each other. So that is why when Rene and Dash got into a fight, it damaged their relationship.

(Actual Story) Dash met someone, her name is Annie. Although he only knew her for a day, he felt that she was the one for him. She fit everything he was looking for; her personality, her appearance, her way of life, her everything. However, he is at the stage where he is still courting her.

He was really happy. And he really wanted to tell Rene. He wanted her opinion, and to share his happiness with her. But he did not tell Rene the whole story. He kept telling her bits and pieces of what happened because he was not sure if this relationship was going to work or not.

Rene understood that Dash was in love. She knows him like an open book, sometimes. And to be honest, at first Rene was disappointed. She knew she would never be able to be with Dash now. But at the same time, Rene was happy for Dash. Dash is one of her best friends, and she wants him to be happy. Rene knows that “love is not about possession, but about seeing the one she loved be with someone else he loved.”

However, Rene said some things that was not pleasant to Dash’s ears and this is how this fight officially started. Rene tried her best to give neutral comments about his courtship, but Dash felt that Rene was not being sincere. He got angry at Rene for not taking his courtship seriously. He felt her comments were not comments of congratulations, but comments of bitterness and jealousy. They argued. Rene tried to defend herself but Dash kept on blaming her.

His words shattered Rene’s heart. She could not believe that Dash thought that way of her. He was suppose to be the only person in this world that understood her. She thought that if there was anyone that would be able to understand her, it would be Dash. But then this situation happened. That night, their friendship shattered…

“If I had a Boyfriend, I wish we never have a fight. Fights make people angry and sad. But if I were to be fighting with my Boyfriend, I think I would be more sad than angry. I see this fight as a negative mark on our relationship. So, future boyfriend, if we do get into a fight, can you make sure that we never leave any fights unresolved? Thank you <3”

Rene and Dash may not have been an official couple getting into a fight, but their fight really made me think about something. When two people are fighting in a relationship, someone will get mad, someone will become sad, and everyone gets hurt. Fighting damages the relationship, it leaves an invisible scar that adds up and may be thought back on when new problems arise.

For those readers out there who are in relationships, please don’t let any fights go unresolved. If a fight starts, make sure that it gets resolved. Don’t let the bitterness, the grudge hold your relationship down. Grudges stop the relationship from growing.

My heart breaks for this story not because Rene and Dash should be in a relationship together. My heart breaks for this story because Dash misunderstands Rene. Rene is trying to share Dash’s happiness, but Dash feels Rene is not “happy” enough for him? I think what Dash actually feels is something else. He may feel Rene’s neutral comments did not give him enough reassurance. Maybe deep down, he just wanted Rene’s approval for this relationship because that is how much she really means to him. Maybe what Dash really wanted was Rene to tell him, “Dash, she’s perfect. Dash, you can date someone else. We are just friends.” Sometimes I wonder where Rene stands in Dash’s heart. She means more to him than he thinks, he just has not realize it yet.

Thank you for Reading! 🙂

Please continue to DayDream! ❤

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Size is Just a Label

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“Will you ever find the perfect dress?”

Back in the past clothing was custom designed. Custom designed sounds like such a fancy term in modern society but to be honest, back in the past clothes were made to fit the wearer. It was not because of wealth and status, it was because that was the only set of clothing you will wear until you:

  1. die
  2. get married
  3. reach puberty
  4. or strike RICH

Clothes used to be made at home by family members. And your family members would sew and knit these clothes to fit the person who will wear them. But as the society progresses, clothes become market products. Clothes are a mass production item.

We mass produce clothes for the people because there is a market. The market consumers at first were people who had money to buy designed clothes because people in the past would either buy cloth to make clothes or make their own materials for clothes. Such materials include using cotton, silk worms, animal hair/fur. But as society progresses, more and more people are able to buy clothes. What use to be a luxury is now as common as groceries. (Ofcourse, there are a range of prices and quality for certain clothing. So technically, clothes can still be a luxury.)

The problem that needs to be addressed with clothes is size. What is size? People of the same age may be expected to develop at similar rates, but because of genetics, these same people may develop differently. Some people will be taller. Some people will be wider. Some people will be thinner. And some people will be shorter.

The problem with clothing sizes is the fact that there are certain measurements we need to meet.

  • For guys who buy shirts, the main focus is the shoulders. A guy may be thin but has wide shoulders. Since he is thin, he will fit a small. But because of his extra wide shoulders, he may need to go up a size or two. The shoulder length made this guy jump a T-shirt size.
  • For girls who buy dresses, the main focus is…there is no one main focus. We must look into the bust, waist, and bum sizes. You may have a small waist but a big bust and medium bum. In this case, this girl needs to buy a large size dress despite the small waist because of the bust. Same goes for each separate focus.

We may be buying clothes at a different size because of certain parts of our body.

Depending on which clothing brand and what type of clothing, I range from a size of small to extra large. I can wear men’s T-shirts at size small or medium. I can wear women’s T-shirts at size medium or large. But when it comes to dresses, depending on how the dress is designed, I may need to wear an extra large dress. (Do you see the problem?)

I may be a size large on certain parts of the body. But I am a size small on other parts of the body. When I go up a size people will either judge me for being too big or tell me that I do not need to go up the size. But the problem is that I am going up the size to accommodate a certain part of my body. Due to a big waist, I may buy a dress that is very baggy for my bust and very wide for my bum. Yet, with a small waist, I may buy a dress that is too tight for my bust and bum. This is a problem!

To accommodate certain parts of your body, you will need to change your normal size of fashion. (Such that your body may mostly be one size but there is that one outlier that is noticeable enough to make you go up a size. Or if the outlier is smaller than the majority size of your body, you will experience less conflict when buying clothes.) But because these clothes are not custom designed, you will only be able to buy clothes that are similar to your size.

Why do we need to have a label for sizes? Why are the sizes in a range of small to big? Small people can buy and fit big size dresses and Big people can buy dresses that are size small. Although not everyone believes n this concept, it is true. Because of an overdeveloped location on your body, you will need to alter the size of your clothing.

What sucks about size alteration is that you are giving people a reason to judge you once you buy an item of a certain size. I am a large but when I buy an item of a size small, both shoppers and store owners will give me a look judging me that I will not fit in the small. For the larger sizes, people and store owners will judge you based on your weight and image. Such that they will think, “Wow, look at this person. She is fat. She needs a X-size!” (This is quite humiliating for the shopper. She can only control her body to a certain extent. And losing weight is not always the answer or always possible.)

But we often forget to consider that people go for larger sizes not because they are fat. They go for larger sizes because:

  1. a certain part of their body is well-developed such as a large bust but a small waist
  2. they want more loose space
  3. it is a good fit (you have to try clothes on to know if they are right for you, if they look good on you. At the end of the day, size is just like age, it is just a number.)

What I learned from a shopping experience today is that size does matter. But the fact there is a label on size, it is unfair. The label gives a negative connotation for people who do not fit the majority/norm sizes of the area population. Size should just be there for comfort. We need to know our own body sizes, not just small, medium, large. We need to measure our chest, waist, and bottom. Only then will we be able to find the right clothes for a good fit. Size labels should just be a reference to what sizes these clothes measure out to.

Thank you for reading! 🙂

Keep on DayDreaming! ❤