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“If I had a Boyfriend, I would want him to tell me why he chose to cheat on me (instead of choosing to try to work things out). What did I do wrong to deserve this?”

Greetings, from Winks ūüėČ How are you doing today?

In the last segment of “If I had a Boyfriend…Gaming,” we explored how a certain personality may damage a relationship. But in this segment, we will be talking about Cheating. “Cheating is something that will definitely affect a¬†relationship, whether it be the cheater or the one being cheated.”

Through this segment of “If I had a Boyfriend Series,” I hope my readers can learn to be a bit more open-minded about people who stay in cheating relationships.

I hope you guys will enjoy this!

Please feel free to leave a comment with your insights! I look forward to it!

For the majority of people who enter a relationship, they would not expect their partner to be cheating. Cheating is the last thing you would think  about when you first enter a relationship.

The beginning stages of a relationship is lovey dovey where you would feel on top of the world. On these days, you would be full just drinking water because you are drunken with love. Everything you see is more pleasing to the eyes.

But at some point, you will reach the peak of your love…

  • A good portion of lovers will have their love leveled off, staying at a steady, never changing level.
    • As if these lovers became best friends.
  • For some,¬†that love, instead of leveling off (maintaining at the peak level), it begins to decline.
    • These lovers are beginning to see the flaws of their partners and are trying to accommodate as best as they can.
  • For others, their love will¬†also decline, but will¬†continue to grow, reaching even greater peaks, later on.
    • These couples know that nobody is perfect; therefore, they are learning from each other, working things out, discovering and rediscovering the reasons why they fell in love in the first place.
  • Then, there will be that handful of lovers¬†whose love continues to grow, never declining.
    • We call these people #RelationshipGoals. They are the picture perfect fairy-tale that everyone wants and reads about in books.
  • And lastly, we will meet those couples whose love sharply drops. By the time they realized, it is already too late.
    • The population with unfaithful lovers. Hence, the cheating.

What does Cheating mean? What does Cheating mean to You?

  • What if one day you discover your significant other is cheating on you?
    • How would you feel?
      • Are you angry?
        • Angry at Him? or at Yourself?
  • What if you were to be the one cheating, in the relationship?
    • Why did you do it?
      • Are you happier now?
  • What if a friend was cheating in his/her relationship?
    • As a friend, do you think it’s wrong?
      • How would you react to your friend?
        • Would you be disappointed in them?
  • What if you discovered that your friend is being cheated on?
    • Would you tell him/her?
      • Why?

“Would there ever be a situation where you think cheating (in a relationship) is okay?”

Despite personally believing that Cheating in a Relationship is unforgivable, I still cannot help but think that,¬†if I were to be in this situation, “I might Forgive him.¬†Although¬†I¬†would not Forget.”¬†

I would think to myself, “Maybe he had a reason? Maybe if I forgive him now, and work on our relationship, later on, everything will be better.”

  • But this could be that “I am weak.”
    • We invest a lot of time and effort into our relationships. So when we suddenly find out that our partner decided to cheat on us, we would get angry! We would wonder why? We would be frustrated!
    • But in reality, besides being angry, we are also devastated.¬†“We do not know what to do. Or who to turn to.”¬†
      • We sometimes see this as a shame; something that cannot be easily shared with friends because we are afraid that they will judge us.
        • My readers, do you feel the same way?

For this segment, I would like to share with you all, the story of Shelley.

How would I describe Shelley?

  • She looks like the Mean Girl Type, someone like Regina George.
    • At first glance, her presence may scare you away.
      • For shy girls, her stare will pierce your confidence.
      • For shy guys, you admire her appearance.
      • For confident girls, she appears as a competitor.
      • For tough guys,¬†you want to make her yours.
  • But her heart is as pure as a Lotus plant
    • Lotus plants grow and survive in swamps. It is not exactly the best environment for a flower. Yet, despite its environment, Lotus plants still bloom beautifully and remain pure.
      • Similar to a Lotus plant, Shelley struggles in a swampy environment. She must protect herself; hide her weaknesses; stay strong. Yet, still preserve her innocence.
  • And deep down, I would say she is fragile.
    • A Lotus Plant is similar to a Common Lawn Weed Plant. They are both similar as they both can struggle through harsh conditions and still stand strong.
      • But on the inside, Shelley is like a block of Tofu. Beautiful to look at, but made mostly of water (a.k.a. Tears).

“I remember when I first met Shelley. She was apparently troubled with relationship problems with her Boyfriend. But I didn’t know. So I went on and asked her a bunch of dumb questions. I guess since we were on the topic of Boyfriends, I was just curious.”

Me: “Shelley, what kind of guys do you like?”

Shelley: “I like bad guys.”

Me: “What if a good guy comes one day, to chase after you?”

Shelley: “I wouldn’t like him.”

Me: “But what if his persistence wins over your heart?”

Shelley: “It won’t. Because I don’t like guys who chase me. I won’t like him back.”

Me: “Why not?”

Shelley: “Because I like guys that don’t like me… I’m weird like that.”

Me: “Why…? (silence)”¬†

“At the time, I didn’t understand Shelley. She was definitely not your typical girl. I understood that she may have had a lot of suitors, but I didn’t understand why she insisted on not giving guys who like her a chance. Or rather, I didn’t understand why she insisted on liking and dating guys that don’t chase after her.”

Shelley has a boyfriend, and his name is Edwin. and He is a charmer!

  • I can understand why she fell in love.
    • His charm provided her with security. The security she always seek for; someone who can be by her side and listen to her troubles. Someone who can look after her and cares for what she does and wants to do.

But with every Perfect Boyfriend comes a Hideous Flaw. (It really depends on if you can accept it or not. And if you can really put up with it.)

  • Some guys are violent Gamers who spend long hours gaming.
  • Some guys are not as Hygienic as we expected. (Or too Hygienic where he has¬†Mysophobia.)
  • Some guys are cheapskates that skimp on every date or meal. (Or spends too lavishly to the point where it is a waste of money.)
  • Some guys¬†are abusive, physically and verbally.
  • Some guys are too prideful, he can never put you before himself.
  • Some guys are too obsessive; to him, you are his everything, literally. (Or the type of guy that gets the girl, then he stops trying.)
  • Then we have the guys who are players, sometimes known as Cheaters..

For this blog post, we are focusing on Cheating. Next time, I may bring up the topic of “Guys being Players” if the idea expands.

It all started with suspicion. He began to spend less time with her. He is not telling her what he is up to. He stops immediately picking up calls. He sees her messages but do not respond back. He begins to find her boring. (She cannot maintain his interest.) He develops a new interest. He meets someone else. (It all started with a flirt.) He begins having someone else in mind, someone else to put at heart. (Thus, this begins the new stage in a relationship, Cheating.)

“I choose Happiness…”¬†

This specific phrase is what inspired me to include this topic in my “If I Had a Boyfriend Series.” (You would expect this series to be mostly about the Excitements and Happiness in a relationship, but there is more than that to a Relationship.)

Edwin cheats on Shelley. And there is nothing she can do about it. She knows the existence of the Other Girl, but the Other Girl does not know of Shelley. However, Shelley chose Happiness; therefore, she will pretend the Other Girl does not exist. She will continue to love Edwin and watch him cheat on herself. She will accept all he does to her; all the pain, all the embarrassment, all the lies.

“The more we talk, the more we get hurt.”

  • Edwin knows that Shelley knows, but that is not going to stop his affair. And Shelley is not going to confront him. She may drop hints that she knows, but she will never speak of the Other Girl’s existence straight up.
    • “Why is this girl so naive?”
      • Shelley is afraid to lose Edwin.
  • Friends have began confronting Shelley about the Other Girl’s existence. Everyone wants to know what happened, and whether she and Edwin are still dating. Despite how hard Shelley struggles to defend their relationship status, Edwin ultimately confronts her…

At this point in time, this relationship should have fallen apart. Shelley should slap Edwin and break off all ties (typically). But Shelley pretends she did not hear Edwin. She did not throw a tantrum like how she usually does. She did not hit him or blame him. Instead, she decides to let their relationship be open-ended.

Throughout the couple of months Shelley and Edwin maintains an on-and-off relationship. On days when Edwin is not with the Other Girl, he gives Shelley attention. But the moment the Other Girl decides to give Edwin attention, Edwin drops Shelley immediately. Her emotions are like a ship at sea; up and down, swaying back and forth, never reaching a stable point.

As readers and outsiders, our opinions do not matter. No matter what we say, we cannot change how Shelley wants to deal with this relationship. It is up to her to defend herself and pull herself back up.

“I miss you, call me please….”

  • One of the most common actions people take when dealing with ending a relationship is withdrawal. They say they will give up. Get ready to give up. Announce to themselves that they are giving up. And as they give up, they regret. After regret, they want to give up the “give up.”
    • Shelley tried to break off all ties. She wants to live a “Normal” life again. But how was her life before Edwin stepped in?
      • Every time Shelley tries to give up on Edwin, he will magically appear once again to lure her back into his trap. And each time, she will fall for his sweet words and kind actions. (Even though she knows that the Other Girl, girls, still exists.)
      • But secretly, every time Shelley attempted to give up, she would also hope for Edwin’s appearance. She still believes he will come back to her. She still believes that everything can go back the way they were. She still believes…

“I would rather have my boyfriend break up with me with the reason that he is interested in someone else than to have my boyfriend wrap me around his finger.”

  • Think about his actions. Edwin is being selfish for trying to maintain both relationships to his own pleasure. What about Shelley that is mentally and emotionally hurting? What about the Other Girl that is hidden in the dark?
    • If you were Shelley, would you prefer a clean break off or a lingering nuisance?
  • Think about Shelley. Why is she so persistent? What is so good about a guy who does not treat you right?
    • Love is not the answer to everything. What Shelley is going through is not Love. What is Love?
      • “Love should not be filled with suspicion.”
      • “When we love someone, we have to learn to trust him/her.”
      • “Love is not always Happiness.”
      • “Love will bring pain and make you go through hardships.”
      • “Love, is Love.”
    • What does Love mean to you?

“To me, Love has a value. It also has a limit. Love should be worthless. Yet, Love should be endless.” -Winksfairy12

  • Everyone is looking for a certain kind of love. What is yours?

“If I had a Boyfriend…I know there will be a time when both of us or either of us will begin to find a new attraction to someone else, someone new that we will meet. But that attraction should not be the deciding factor for us to cheat. If we realize that our relationship is not working and that we would be more suitable with new partners, we should mutually discuss this matter. We should not avoid the situation by cheating, this inflicts pain on both parties and the third-parties.”

Shelley has the rights to decide how she wants her relationship to be. If she decides to hold on, no one can convince her to let go. But when she decides to let go, no one can stop her from leaving. Through her story, many people may think she is weak for hanging onto an already dead relationship. Yet, I believe she is strong for holding onto this relationship, that is dearest to her.

There are many girls out there just like Shelley. Girls who struggle to maintain their relationships despite knowing her significant other is cheating on her. “Cheating, it hurts. It can hurt yourself, and the ones around you.”

Some people argue that there must have been a reason for someone to cheat on you. Usually in these situations, we are blaming the partner that is being cheated on. She is either too controlling or too over-bearing. But what about the partner that is cheating? Should he be able to cheat because he feels that his partner is ruining their relationship? “No, I do not think so.”

How come these two people cannot sit down and talk about their problems in the relationship? For those readers out there who are the victims of cheating or the actual cheater, can you guys take a moment and think about your relationship? Why have your relationship become like this? How did your relationship become like this? Is it too late to fix it? Are you willing to try to work things out with your partner? “You know, it is okay to have a clean break. A break up is between you and him, no one else. Do not let others’ opinions or people’s point of views influence your happiness.”

I hope my fellow readers can keep this in mind, “It’s okay. It’s okay to be a victim of cheating. But it is not okay to stay a victim of cheating if you know you can do something about it. You can stand up for yourself and break away from the relationship. You have a voice too! So use it.” -Winksfairy12

I hope this story gave you a newer outlook on the topic of Cheating. As I was writing this, I was hit with many obstacles. It was very hard to portray the feelings of the protagonist because she herself does not know how she feels. I can only interpret her words and try to feel the emotions she is giving off.

Thank you for reading! ūüôā

And always, Keep on DayDreaming! ‚̧