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“If I had a Boyfriend that was cheating, should I give him a second chance?”

Hello, this is Winks ūüėČ I apologize for such a late follow-up, but there are still many stories to come for “If I had a Boyfriend Series.”

And I would like to Thank you for Reading and Enjoying “If I had a Boyfriend…Cheating (Part I)” which leads you to this segment of “If I had a Boyfriend Series!”

In the last segment of “If I had a Boyfriend…Cheating,” we heard about the story of a Cheating Relationship. However, in this segment, we will explore the effects of Cheating. “Cheating is something that will affect a relationship, but what are the effects of Cheating?”

Through this segment of “If I had a Boyfriend Series,” I hope my readers can try to understand those people who we call the¬†cheating partner.

I hope you guys will enjoy this part as much as its first part!

Please feel free to leave a comment with your insights! I look forward to it!

Our first thoughts of Cheating is always negative. We will immediately blame the cheater for being unfaithful and begin pitying the person being cheated on. But in reality, as outsiders, we should not comment.

Our comments will hurt the reputation of the Cheater, as well as, the one being Cheated-on. But in truth, our comments will only hurt the person being cheated on because emotionally, she is in a state of distress. Our comments do not pacify her, instead it will aggravate her.

  • She will feel betrayed (by the one she loved).
  • She will feel embarrassed (by her friends’ judgments).
  • She will lose trust (in person to person relationships).
  • She will fear (the third-person in the relationship).
  • Yet, she may also hate (the third-person, as well as, her boyfriend)
    • As well as, herself. She will begin to hate herself.

In the original “If I had a Boyfriend…Cheating” segment, our main character, Shelley, may have began hating; hating Herself, hating her Boyfriend, hating the Other Girl.

  • She hated how her Boyfriend chose to cheat on her.
  • She hates the third person in the relationship.
  • She hates how there was nothing she can do to change his mind.
  • Yet, she also feared. She feared the third person.
    • Shelley tried her best to avoid confronting her Boyfriend. She pretended nothing happened and tried to continue her relationship with Edwin.
    • At the same time, we forget to mention that despite Shelley being angry with the Other Girl, she was also afraid of confronting the Other Girl.
      • Why? Because on the inside, she knew that Edwin would be angry with her, and break up with her, for good. If she were to confront the Other Girl, she knows Edwin would choose the Other Girl over herself.
        • Therefore, when she chose Happiness, it did not mean she was the Bigger Person. It actually meant she was Surrendering…

But, enough of Shelley’s side of the story. Let us look into Edwin’s side of the story…

How would I describe Edwin?

  • Edwin is actually not the best looking guy. In fact, physically, he is not buff or super tall. He is just¬†average for a guy’s height (at 5’6”) and is a bit chubby.
  • However, I have to say Edwin does give off the Mystery Image which triggers girls’ interest because we do not know much about him.
    • He would redirect the conversation back to being about you, not him.
      • Therefore, I conclude Edwin has the skills of a Gentleman.

As a Gentleman, there is a set of rules and a lifestyle that you need to follow. According to Sam Martin’s book, “How to Live Like a Gentleman,” a gentleman should be:

  • Self-Confident
    • Making a good First Impression, starting with the Handshake (or for the Ladies, he may kiss her hand)
    • His walking and posture with his chin always pointing up
  • Public Speaking
    • “Listening means not only hearing the words but understanding the concepts behind them.”
      • This is the secret weapon to a woman’s heart.
        • Many girls complain about how their significant other does not listen to them talk. But what a girl really wants is not just for her Boyfriend to listen, she wants him to understand the message she is trying to relay to him.
  • Grooming
    • A man’s appearance is very important, just as important as a woman’s.
      • Is it best to look your best, as a sign of respect to yourself and the person/people you are meeting.
    • Personal Hygiene shows people how you take care of yourself.
      • Although growing a beard or mustache is a type of facial hair that defines a person, but shaving is important too.
        • Shaving off stubs or tiny bits of facial hair that are not part of a beard or mustache will make a man look more presentable. As unclean shaves portray a man as untidy.
  • Fashion
    • What a man wears is part of his appearance.
      • Not in a sense of the value of the pieces of clothing you are wearing, but whether or not the shirt is wrinkled or your shoes are not shined.
        • (However, it is expected that every man should have a good suit to wear for important occasions. As well as a pair of good shoes.) Similar for girls, “A good pair of shoes will take you to good places.”
  • Manners
    • “A true Gentleman is one who will pull out the chair for his Lady friend to be seated. He will hold onto doors for her to walk through. As well as wait, and let her go first. He will wait for her (or everyone at the table) to settle down before he starts enjoying his meal (as this is a dinner for two). His actions can define his nature.”
    • A¬†man’s etiquette is just as important as a woman’s. (Although society norms have been changing, but old traditions still linger.)

Back to Edwin’s side of the story…

Edwin dates a girl we know to be Shelley. When he first met her, he knew she was trouble. Shelley is not the typical Good Girl type which Bad Boy types fall for. Shelley is actually a Mean Girl type. And Eric, being a Bad Boy type, is not as intrigued by her (as we would expect him to be).

From Edwin’s point of view, Shelley is like a “goddess.” She has many suitors and admirers. There are always guys at her feet, willing to do things for her. In a sense, she is out of his league. He is use to chasing after “good girls,” girls without any dating experience and are naive (because they still believe in the idea of true love).

“Good girls are easier to chase because of their good nature.”

  • Edwin admits he is a Player, but he knows his limits. He would only date “good girls” because they are easier to manipulate. At the same time, they are still innocent, believing love exist.
    • What caused Edwin to think this way? Well, what if he himself was a victim of Innocent First Love?
      • In the beginning, everyone is innocent. We all believe the being in a relationship will be magical because of Love. We never consider outside factors such as third parties, flaws in our significant other, and just the fact that feelings can change over time.
  • Edwin did not have plans to chase after Shelley, rather, it was her persistence that intrigued him. It was actually Shelley that was persistent in pursuing Edwin. (What does she see in him?)
    • There is something about Edwin that captivates Shelley. She has dated before, but those casual partners never lasted. Only when she met Edwin did her heart began beating.
      • “He makes me feel like a princess! He complies to my needs. He would buy me unexpected gifts! He never judged me for my personality. When I make decisions to buy expensive collectibles to put on display (where other guys would judge me for wasting money), he didn’t judge. And most importantly, he understands me; my needs, my wants, my personality.” -Shelley

Why does Edwin want to break up with a girl that he likes? And she loves him back?

“One thing I learned about Shelley is that she is very giving. She cares about her friends so much! She would give the world to her friends.” -Johnny (a mutual friend of Shelley and Edwin)

  • Shelley may be a loyal friend who lives for her friends. But when it comes to relationships, even her friends cannot step in her way. The problem between Edwin and Shelley is Trust. [“I cannot express how important trust is in a relationship. If you cannot trust him/her, then this relationship is heading nowhere. A relationship built on lies will break once the lies cannot continue on.”-Winksfairy12]
    • As I have said in the 1st segment of “If I had a Boyfriend…Cheating,” Shelley is an insecure person. Despite her strong appearance, she is frail¬†on the inside, yet very possessive. Similar to a Silver Maple tree (Acer Saccharinum).
      • A Silver Maple tree may be a fast growing tree that can will grow until at least 15 feet tall. But the tree’s brittle wood¬†makes it hard for them to survive harsh storms. (Similar to Shelley, if a significant problem arises in her relationship with Edwin, it will make her a mess. She does not know how to deal with it, properly.) Besides the parts of the tree that we can see, we also need to think about the parts of the tree we cannot see. For example, the roots of a tree are meant to secure the tree. But Silver Maples have shallow roots that invades sewage pipes and can crack driveways and pathways. (Similar to Shelley, when she unleashes her unreasonable side, she can become overbearing. Yet, this is part of her defense mechanism.)

As we all know, before you changed your status from “Single” to “Taken” (or “In-a-Relationship”), you had…

  • You had another Life
  • You had a certain Social Circle
  • You had Your-“Before”-Self

But once you enter a relationship, you will have more to think about. Now, you need to not only look after yourself, but your partner as well.

  • You now have a Boyfriend (Significant Other)
    • Friends of Your¬†Boyfriend
  • You now have a new Status as “Someone’s Girlfriend”
    • But being someone’s significant other does not make you an object or a subjective possession that is owned by that person.
  • You may now have a new Social Circle which includes some of yours and some of his (friends). Or you may join each other’s Social Circle.
    • No matter what, there may be some neglect to your friends. But it is up to you to balance this Social Life.
  • You may now have less time for yourself.
    • As most of your time is spent with Him.
  • You will have¬†Phases (in your relationship).
    • HoneyMoon Phase: the most lovey dovey period
    • Comfortable Phase: when you both can finally be yourselves and are accepted by each other
    • Family-Life Phase: when both sides of the Family know about your relationship and has accepted it
    • Almost Married Phase: you guys are practically like a Married Couple, just missing an official document to be legal because you have dated for a significant amount of time and the relationship is stable enough where someone else’s comment would not affect you
    • Unstable Phase: the time period when you both are still getting to know each other but there are outside factors interfering with your relationship: rumors, third-parties, or disapproval of your relationship
    • Cold War Phase: both parties are at war. This is the most unstable phase of your relationship because you both are constantly arguing¬†or not talking to each other.
    • Fighting Phase: similar to the Cold War Phase, expect the besides the fighting/arguments, you both are constantly angry with each other. No matter what you do, he has a comment for you. And no matter what he does, you cannot look at him in a better light.
    • Cheating Phase: this is a phase that would come after the Cold War or the Fights. You both are seeking new attention because you cannot get it from each other. Then someone new comes into your life and you think they are the “new” one because they are giving you a new experience that you have forgotten about in your original relationship due to all the fighting.
    • Break-Up Phase: “It’s time to say Good-Bye” Some people end their relationship without trying to work things out and regret it later. Yet some breakups are for the best because the two people just cannot accept each other or put effort in to try to continue being together.
    • Regret Phase: now that it is all over, will you regret the decision you made? Is the new person you chose to be with who you expected? what you wanted?
  • You will have unpredictable emotions:
    • Some days you only need to see his face or hear his voice, and you will smile and feel content.
    • Other days, you will be annoyed with the way he walks or is acting when he is with you.
    • There will be days where you will be surprised; by his actions or his words that fills your heart with sweetness or bitterness.
    • Those days you will feel like you have lost everything because¬†you saw him with someone else (whether it be a misunderstanding or he is actually up to something).
    • The days when you cry your heart out because he has hurt you through his reckless actions and/or words.
    • Some days you will be anxious and impatient as you wait for him to show up or get back to you.
    • Other days, you will be bored by the things he wants to do or is telling you about.
    • Then there will be days when you are frustrated by what he wants you to do. But does not comply to your needs.
    • Those days where everything is going right and you cannot sleep because you just do not want the day to end. (All of that day’s happiness to be history when you struggle to hold onto it as you drift off in your sleep.)
    • The day when the world ends because someone said, “Let’s Break-Up.”

(I keep straying away from the story as I try to go in depth about certain aspects of this relationship. I do apologize.)

Edwin does like Shelley. He chose to start a relationship with her because he had feelings for her. But once they became official, Shelley changed.

  • “Shelley is my princess. I want to treat her right and make sure she is happy! When she is sad, I will do my best to put a smile on her face. I will not get angry at her. I will make sure she does not get angry at me. For, I will not do anything wrong to her.”
  • “Shelley is no longer the person I know before we became official. She is always limiting me and does not allow me to do this or to do that. It feels overbearing.”
  • “She may be my girlfriend but I have friends as well. She does not like it when I hangout with my other friends, especially female friends. I can give her all my attention when she wants it, but I would also like to be with my friends, sometimes. They are my friends.”
  • “Shelley is part of my life, but she is not my life! She has no rights to stop me from talking to who I want to or restrict who can or cannot talk to me. Why is she like this?”
  • “How come I cannot talk to Ashley?! She is one of my best-est friends! I’ve known her since elementary school. Our families know each other. We are like family!”
  • “I cannot spend every minute of my life being right next to you. I have work and I have class. You do not need to keep texting and calling me!”
  • “Can you trust me? When I am not with you I am not out there looking for some other girl to replace you! When I talk to a female friend or classmate, I am not trying to court her! When I do not pick up your call, I am not ignoring you. I do call you back afterwards because at the moment I was either in class or I missed the call! I do not always see all of your text. You constantly send me new texts before I even get a chance to reply to the original ones. How can I keep up with your conversation when you are the one moving on without me?”
  • “Can you stop overreacting or thinking too much? You are pushing me away. Everything I say, you do not believe. Everything I do, you disapprove. Every moment we are together now, you do not talk to me. What do you want from me?”
  • “I tried. Shelley, I really tried.”
    • “I listened to everything you wanted me to do. I restricted my friends. I hung out with people you wanted me to hang out with. I complied to your every need and wishes. But you are still not satisfied.”
  • “I’m tired. Shelley, I’m really tired.”
    • “But no matter what I do or what I say, you still do not trust me. What should I do? What can I do?”
      • “Let’s Break-up.” -Edwin

“If I had a Boyfriend…I hope we will work things out when times get tough. I hope we can openly talk to each other and actually listen to each other’s worries. I do not want us to be stuck in this depression that grows hate for each other. Because, there was a reason why I said ‘yes.’ I want us to forever remember why we both agreed to start this relationship, and to strive to work towards a healthier¬†relationship.”

So the story behind Shelley and Edwin is that Edwin tried to break up with Shelley before he began pursuing the “Third-Party” girl. But Shelley never accepted the idea and their relationship was left open-ended. From an outsider’s point of view (me), I was told that Edwin was cheating. But as I¬†learned more about the situation, I understand why Shelley saw Edwin’s actions as Cheating.

“She realizes life isn’t about her, and she can’t be so controlling and insecure.” -Johnny

We all walk into relationships expecting happiness. We do not foresee trouble and arguments because these are things we do not want. But we often mistaken that relationships are perfect. No one is perfect. Not you, not me; not him, not her. We are all flawed in our own ways. Yet, some of the unique reasons two people come together are because of their flaws.

I hope my readers will think about this when looking back on their relationships: “If your significant other can overlook and accept your flaws, (and you do the same), then you, my friend, have found an ideal relationship. However, not every ideal relationship is the relationship you want…” -Winksfairy12

Edwin and Shelley share their own unique relationship. They are both looking for certain things, hoping for certain things, but working towards different things.

For fellow readers out there who sympathized with Shelley’s situation, consider Edwin’s situation, as well. [Who was the person in the right? ¬†Who was the person in the wrong? But truthfully speaking, despite who is right or wrong, both parties are hurt.] Like a coin, there are two opposite [Head vs. Tail] side of a story.

I hope this story can give you a further understanding of the unknown side of relationships. Just like in movies, we often learn¬†about the main character’s process of finding, falling in, and failing out of love. But how often does the movie¬†tells viewers the back story of the lover of the main character?

Thank you for reading! ūüôā This story was one of the harder stories for me to tell. This story touched my heart and made me reflect on what type of person I am in a relationship. [Am I good enough? Will this problem happen to me? How will I react when it does?]

My Fellow Readers, Please Keep on DayDreaming! ‚̧