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“If I had a Boyfriend…Am I pretty, enough? Does he like me because I am pretty? Or does he think my face is flawed? Is my body size okay? Am I too fat? Is my body proportioned? Does he think my hair is too frizzy? Do I look ugly?”

You know, when you enter a relationship with someone, there is definitely something special about you that intrigued him. And that something special does not have to be physical. Your appearance does not define who you are, your character defines who you are. That is what he likes about you.

  • Many people are insecure about their appearances, not only girls, guys too.
  • Body image is something many people struggle with because we are expected to look a certain way based on the influences of social media.
    • girls are always striving towards a thin image
    • guys are always striving towards a muscular image
  • Hairstyle is actually a visual factor that leaves either a negative or positive impression. But at the end of the day, it is not about looks.
    • some people like long hair, some people like short hair
    • some people like man-buns, some people like boy-cuts
  • No one has a flawless face, there will definitely be some scars from acne
    • make-up can cover these flaws but you can’t hide it forever
    • everyone gets acne, we should embrace our face and take care of it
      • “Personal hygiene is the secret to confidence.” It does not matter what others think because you know that you shower every day, wash your face with all kinds of cleansers and face wash. You take care of yourself, and you know it!
  • Embrace your genetics. Some people are just built to have bigger hips or a chunkier body. But that does not make you, not beautiful. And it definitely does not mean you are ugly. “The older generation always said, what matters the most is that you have a beautiful heart.”
    • There is thing song I came across on Youtube about a month ago, and it is called [胖是一種罪]. Literal translation in English is, “Being Fat is a Sin.” This song is sang by 陳睿纁 (胖虎) Who C. and 魚乾 Annie. I believe they are both Youtubers from Taiwan. (I will put the link to the song at the end of this post so you can check it out.)
      • This song talks about how being fat is a “sin” because it puts a label on us. It is as if fat individuals have a stereotype of how they should be acting.

“All my life, I let my appearance define who I am. It never occurred to me that people may want to get to know me because of my character. The way I see myself and the way the mirror shows me are two different image. I have this image of myself implanted in my head, and it not who I really am.” -Winksfairy

In all those romance dramas and movies, the main character is always a plain girl who finds a handsome guy that she falls in loves with. In some of these romance stories, the girl is chubby or overweight. But she will become “beautiful.” Actually, she was already beautiful to begin with. She has a beautiful heart. The chubby overweight girl always has to lose weight in order to become beautiful. 

These main characters always have to go through an intense physical change where she comes back skinny. Yes, she looks pretty thin, but she did not look bad either before her weight loss. These characters are not simply losing 10-20 pounds, these characters go through extreme weight loss where she loses ~100 pounds. A good example would be Kim Pil-Sook from the teen-idol Korean drama, Dream High.

Pil-Sook was extremely overweight but she had a beautiful voice and a musical talent. So she applied for admission to Karin High School, an Art and Music School known for producing idols. During the day of auditions, she wore a costume to her audition because she was afraid her physical appearance would take away her chances of even auditioning. Luckily she was able to audition in her costume, and her angelic voice won over the judges. But she had to show the judges who she was, because her picture on her application was blurry.

When she took off her mask, everyone was in shock. Someone even said it was such a same that someone with such a beautiful voice had such an appearance. Someone else said that “God is fair,” because of her extraordinary talents, she had to be flawed somehow. Everyone approves of Pil-Sook’s talent, but no one approved of her appearance because she was fat.

Pil-Sook liked her classmate Jason. He was talented and handsome. In fact, everyone liked him. And he liked Pil-Sook. But due to her appearance, he could not physically accept her as someone he would potentially date. However, he notices her and even stood up for her on multiple occasions. To be honest, he did like her, but her appearance deter him from pursuing her.

When Pil-Sook finally made up her mind to lose all her weight, she did! She suffered and battled with herself every day (for 200 days). But she did it, she lost all the weight. Pil-Sook has become what the society viewed as beautiful because she was now thin. For me, she looked great after her first weight lost. In the beginning after the auditions, Pil-Sook already lost about 10-20 pounds where her face changed (that is because in the audition episode, she was suppose to be at the heaviest weight.) After her first weight loss of 10-20 pounds, it was still seen as not good enough, Pil-Sook was still discriminated.

For the rest of the story, I recommend you actually watch Dream High to find out what happens to Pil-Sook and Jason. My main focus telling this story is that Pil-Sook went on an extreme weight loss because she felt she was not beautiful enough for Jason. She was not beautiful enough for the society because she wanted to be an idol. And for her to be able to be a visual image for the public, she needed to be of a certain appearance. But in real life, should we all be this realistic? Should we only choose to accept someone because of their appearance, not because of who they are?

“If I had a Boyfriend, he does not need to tell me I am pretty. Because when he does, I will always have this question if he is lying. Maybe I am too harsh on myself, but I can’t help it. I will always be questioning if that statement is true. The best thing he can say is, ‘I think you are beautiful because…[give me a reason]…’ Let me know why you think I am pretty. Don’t just tell me, let me know! Because the truth is that I am insecure. And I can’t see how you see me. So I wonder, how come you see me so special? What do you really see in me?”

At the end of the day, everyone is the same. Everyone is simply insecure, so they are looking for assurance from their partner. Simply telling someone they are beautiful or pretty will probably make her feel good for the moment. But the next day, she will still wonder if she is still as beautiful or as pretty as the day you first told her. If you told her with a reason, then each time she feels she is beautiful or pretty, she will remember why. She can be beautiful because of her sparkling eyes that light up when she is excited. Maybe it is because of her smile that shows her teeth when she is happy. It can also be how her hair shines a new color when it is in the sun. There are endless reasons. Another reason could be that she appears to be glowing because of a good deed she did that makes her heart feel light.

For those of you who are in a relationship, communication and confidence are two of the most important things. If you are a girl, don’t always wonder how to become beautiful physically. Beauty is within. If you are a guy, when you tell someone she is beautiful, you must have a reason why. So, why not tell them the reason? The lesson here is that “you are pretty.” You don’t need to rely on him telling you how beautiful you are. You just need to believe that you are too. Because, you are! ❤