Life is Messy, That is how We are Made

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“At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that’s how we’re made. So you can waste your life drawing lines, or you can make your life crossing them. But there are some lines, that are way too dangerous to cross. If you are willing to take the change, the view from the other side is spectacular!” -Grey’s Anatomy

Something all student struggle with, career choices. When we are young, we can dream about who we want to become and what we will accomplish. But as we grow older, we learn that some paths are not meant to be walked… well, not meant to be walked by you.

Many students out there follow the traditional paths such as engineering, law, and medical careers. But there are even more students that stray away from those paths, trying to find their own careers.

  • Having a career does not have to mean you are making the Big Money
    • Having a career means you are doing something you want to do. And you are willing to take this practice to the next level, forever trying to modify and improve what you are doing for the better.
  • Having a career does not mean doing what your parents planned for you to follow
    • Having a career means you are discovering and exploring what is unknown to you, yet. There is something captivating you, creating a passion.
  • Having a career means you are working hard towards something, even though sometimes you will fail miserably. But that is how you will learn.
    • Having a career does not mean it will be a smooth trail with no obstacles.

Recently, I came across a status post on Facebook from an old classmate. Let us refer to her as Karen. This classmate of mine, she is not my friend. In this lifetime, we cannot be friends. Our gap on where we stand in society is too great.

Karen was always the star of the show. Teachers loved her. The girls in class envied her. And the boys in class had crushes on her.

  • “I am not going to lie, I wanted to be her. But deep down, I just wanted people to accept me the way people accepted her.”
    • She was smart, popular, and pretty. Every girl wanted to be like her, and every guy wanted to date her.
      • “Deep down, I knew we were part of a different class of people in this society. She was someone who was going places, and I was someone who was still finding my place.”

As we got older, we went to different schools. I am glad that I never had to go to school with Karen, ever again. She had helped me out on certain occasions back in grade school, but only the negative memories revive. “I can forgive her, but I cannot forget her.” Her impact on my life was too great. It goes on to shaping me into who I am. Who am I?

  • I always fear that every new person I will meet will be like Karen. Someone who judges me for how I look, rather than who I am on the inside.
    • Karen never took the time to get to know me. But we can also say, I never took the time to get to know her.
      • How was I able to get to know someone who I was not allowed to associate with?
  • We cannot always speak our minds. But Karen conditioned me to not speak up at all. I learned to endure the pains, because crying does not get you far. Especially when you are crying against someone who owns the attention.
    • “We must learn to love ourselves. Sometimes you will get hurt, and you can’t tell your parents. Because some battles need to be fought ourselves.”

Since young, everyone has saw Karen as the perfect child. But as she grew older, I felt she became different. She grew up away from the image of the Ideal Child that many of our parents would refer to.

Her recent post of Facebook caught my attention. She brought up the topic about how she strayed away from the traditional career path for a major that is disapproved by her parents. I would not expect something like this from the Perfect Karen back in grade school. I always expected her to be the Perfect Child.

  • Karen was someone who I thought would take the traditional path in life. She would become a doctor and make the big money.
    • “But she didn’t.”
      • For the first time in my life, I felt closer to her. I felt that I was finally able to stand next to her, and not forever behind her.
        • When she was a child, society raised her up into the sky. But as she grew older, the people of the society around her let her fall to the ground.
          • “Today, she is not where we expect her to be. But today is where she wants herself to be.”

(To be honest, I wonder how she is doing. “[Karen], how are you doing? Are you well?” I wonder if she is doing well. I heard that she moved away. She is no longer in the neighborhood. I was also told her mother passed away. I would never expect such unfortunate things happen to someone who I always thought had the perfect life.)

  • “Life is messy, and that is how we are made.” Without the obstacles and challenges in our paths, we would never grow and become a better ourselves. “Only by falling will we learn to get back up.”

Karen can choose how she wants to live her life. She can choose the career path she wants to walk down. And so can you! Don’t be stopped by the little challenges in life. We all are only human. We all have problems waiting for us to solve.

Today, I finally crossed the line to the other side. I no longer view what happened in the past as big as I use to. Today, it does not matter anymore if I am standing behind Karen or next to her. Today, I learned that Karen and I are both living our lives, as messy as it may be, in this endlessly challenging world.

Thank you for reading 🙂

Sometimes we can associate a persistent thought as a daydream because it is something that lingers in our mind until we free it, freeing ourselves. ❤

 

Gift Meaning, Give Meaning

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When you first start liking someone, what do you do to get their attention?

  • Are you mean to them?
    • Because the only reason you are being Mean is just to get their Attention.
  • Are you super nice to them?
    • Your Friendly attitude makes them mistaking you for a Best Friend.
  • Are you avoiding them?
    • The way you act gives them a feeling that you are Ignoring them, because you Dislike them.
  • Are you bribing them?
    • Gifts are simple things from your Heart. But at some point, you need to differentiate that Special Gift you are giving to express your Feelings.

What is the best way to let someone know you like them, without scaring them away?

  • Honestly, I cannot tell you. (I’m sorry >.<) Because every girl (guy) is different.
    • Some people like grand gifts such as handbags or designer items.
    • Some people like simple gifts such as hand-picked flowers from the sidewalk.
    • Some people like hand-made crafts.
    • Some people like hand-written letters.
    • Yet, some people just want you to straight-out tell them how you feel.

I would like to share a story of a girl who is wondering what are the feelings of her friend. “How does my friend feel about me?”-Winksfairy12

  • “Over the years, I’ve received many gifts from you. But what do they mean?”
    • “Did you buy them because I asked you to?”
      • I ask all my friends who go on vacation to bring me back a souvenir. But the majority of people don’t. And for those who do, it is not consistent.
  • “If you didn’t  happen to be going on vacation, would you still be bringing gifts?”
    • Sometimes I forget that you went on vacation. You would just show up during hangouts with a surprise.
  • To be honest, how do you remember? You are actually a very forgetful person!
    • So when you are on vacation, a time period where you are suppose to spend having fun, how would you remember to specifically get me something?
      • Were you thinking of me??
  • “Do you ever think about how I feel when you do sweet things for me?”
    • Were you happy to see me happy?
    • Did you expect me to react a certain way?
    • Are you waiting for me to realize something?
      • What were you thinking when you were buying me the gift?
      • How were you feeling when I received the gifts?
  • “Why do you comply to my unreasonable wishes?”
    • That day, if you didn’t tell me you were going on vacation. That day, if I didn’t beg you to bring me back a souvenir. That day, if you didn’t promise to…
      • How would today be different?

“Today, we are not dating. Today, we are still friends. And it is also Today, you stopped remembering to bring me back souvenirs.”

  • I remember one year, you went to Disney World & Universal Studios. Actually, at the time, I forgot that you went. I don’t remember you telling me beforehand. That week you were at Disney, it was Spring Break.
    • It never occurred to me to call you up to hangout that week. Maybe cause I was caught up with school work. It was, our final year in High School. Or was it our Junior Year? It was our Junior Year of High School.
      • That year, I was so caught up with my own work, I don’t recall much time we spent together. But when I think back, we actually spent more time together than I thought.
  • That time, after your trip from Disney, you came back really excited. I remember that it was not only one souvenir item that you got me. You got me a little gift bag full of things. I forget what all the items were (the bag was a light baby blue), but I vividly remember this one item.
    • First, you gave me the bag. Smiling, you said, “Winksfairy, I got you something from my trip at Disney!” Then you manually pulled out items from the bag, telling me what they were. (At the moment, I was just carelessly watching you. But when I think back, I can’t help but feel my heart melt a little as I smile to myself.)
      • There was this small fluffy monster key chain. But the next thing you showed me, really wowed me. Even at the moment, I was really surprised. You got me a silver keychain with my name on it! There was also a picture of a stick figure girl smiling.
        • “You know, that day, I was really happy. I was not just happy because you got me a bag of souvenirs. I was happy that you went out of your way to buy me those gifts, without me having to ask and remind you. (Because honestly, I didn’t even know you were going to Disney.) It makes me wonder what you were thinking when you bought those gifts. Do you have a matching keychain with your name on it?”
          • “I have to apologize to you, [my friend]. I can see that I may have taken your feelings for-granted. I should have known. We would always talk about relationships, and you aren’t someone who would buy things for girls, for no reason. One reason would be if they asked. But you weren’t consistent with the souvenirs. I should have known!”
          • “At the end of the day, we both play a role in this relationship not happening.”
    • I still have that bag of souvenirs. And I know exactly where it is. But I have not used any of the things in the bag.
      • “No, it was not because I didn’t like them. I love them!” I didn’t use the keychain because it was precious to me. I didn’t want to use it and get it scratched up. And at the time, I didn’t want strangers to know my name when they see my keychain. (Haha, this is something I can laugh about today. I was being stupid.)
        • I wonder if you were wondering (at the time) if I used the keychain.

The past is the past. I cannot go back to change it. But I do have to say that I regretted it. This is a part of my past that is filled with happiness yet sorrow…

So for those of you reading this, please don’t make the same mistake that I did. My friend and I are still friends, but just friends. However, don’t you wonder what could have been? Because I do…

Thank you for reading! 🙂

Sometimes DayDreams are about things in the past that we didn’t fulfill. We can try to fight these memories off, but that does not mean it didn’t exist. ❤

I’ll wait. I’ll wait, But I won’t.

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“Time. Time is something I want to turn back. Yet, time is something that I don’t want to alter. But time, time is something that goes on. It won’t stop for anyone, and no one is worthy of its patience.” -Winksfairy12

Have you ever been in love? Have you ever had that one crush that you cannot shake off? Have you ever struggled to hold onto something that isn’t there?

  • Well, have you given up?

Both girls and guys have foolishly waited for someone, hoping for something. But when did you realize it was time to stop?

  • When did you realize that waiting only gave you false hope?
    • Because of your foolish waiting, how many opportunities did you miss?
      • For those people who are still in the bind of waiting, you will realize time did not stop for you or your love.

When you love someone or something, you would go out of your way for it. Even if that means you are doing nothing but waiting for it. But time goes on. It will stop for no one, for no one is worthy of time’s patience.

  • If there are somethings you need to do, some words you need to say, some people you need to find…don’t wait for it. Don’t put it on a mental list that keeps you up at night. Don’t just think about what could have been, when it would have been if only you acted on it.
    • There are endless things we would want to tell our past selves if we had the opportunity to go back (in time.) Yet, there are endless things our present selves still need to do so our future selves can live to our fullest.
      • “Life is short, so Paddle hard.” -Dragonboat (Recently heard this quote from Singaporean Youtuber, DeeKosh.)
        • Life is short. So why not work hard now? Because by the time you realize that you should have, it is already too late.

“Time is just like Love. They both wait for no one. When the opportunity comes, it also goes. Only those who are prepared can enjoy its company.” -Winksfairy12

Thank you for reading! 🙂

The day is still full of DayDreams ❤